Hell Defined

What happened to my generation is that we never grew up.
The problem is we’re terrified.
…in certain areas, we’re paralyzed. We’re not being stopped by something on the outside, but by something on the inside.
We’re just afraid, period. Our fear is free-floating
We’re just disgusted with ourselves, because we think we should be better by now.
…we’re always, even desperately, seeking a way out through growth or through escape.
We begin to realize that we ourselves are somehow the problem, but we don’t know what to do about it.
We’re not powerful enough to overrule ourselves. We sabotage, abort everything: our careers, our relationships, even our children. We drink. We do drugs. We control. We obsess. We co depend. We overeat. We hide. We attack.
The form of the dysfunction is irrelevant. We can find a lot of different ways to express how much we hate ourselves.

-Marianne Williamson Return to Love

I hated myself for a long time. I ruined friendships. I judged everyone. I yelled at everyone. I was angry all the time. On the outside it all looked amazing (I knew I should have pursued acting) but in my real life I was terrified to death that I would never become perfect enough to be accepted. Take that in and think about it. I would think that if 100 women read this atleast one other could relate to this. I got to the point I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror I was so disgusted with what I saw. I really cringed everytime I looked in the mirror. I think those days were the darkest in my Spiritual Transformation.

No longer do I fear the mirror or myself or who I truly am. It was a hard year and I have hundreds of unfinished posts and diary entries documenting it. I hope to use these one day to help others that may be in the same position I was in a year ago. I was created the way I was for a reason. There is a real purpose for my existence as well as each of us but unfortunately so many people are content existing under the pressures of this modern world and live two different lives – their real life and their outward life. It’s never too late to rediscover you. Ascend to your purpose and your highest self.

Ascend | © 2016 | AMANDA MCNEAL
Ascend | © 2016 | AMANDA MCNEAL