Am I 25 again?

I sometimes feel like in 25 in the way I want to live. Part of me feels irresponsible and part of me reminds me you get one life. Tomorrow is not promised. When I turned 25 I had two paths I could have taken and chose the path I was supposed to take. The path that made sense. The stable path. The paved path you could say. I got a job, a masters, a husband, a house and kids by time I was 30. I don’t regret it because it gave me a great adventure and my kids and family that I love dearly. I wouldn’t even trade in the darkness because it was the darkness that led me to the light I live in today. It was the darkness that gave me the opportunity to be reborn and explore the path I didn’t take.  That’s the thing – it led me to the darkness because I always wondered what would have happened if I took that road trip or lived the gypsy life something deep in me longed for. I denied it for years and just became the suburban working – stay at home mom that I became. At 35 my dad died and at 37 I was in a full blown break down on the edge of loosing it all – my career, my family, my life. Luckily though I discovered that it’s never too late to start over and if something is instinctively calling to you – you MUST do it so I did.

I didn’t feel as silly doing my first solo trip or going to other countries alone. I felt like a wise woman. However I must say that this “Week of Dave” trip I call it seems a bit “young”. I mean most women in their 40’s don’t take a week off work (actually I am working just the perks of being self employed) to follow a band right? I had someone call me a groupie the other day. Sure call me whatever. I had someone ask who was going to watch the girls? Ummmm their dad. Would you ask a man that? Luckily Jarred supports my random whims and is capable of keeping our children alive.

This is the thing though. This has been on my bucket list for years and it somehow just came together naturally. It was as if the Universe was conspiring – handing it to me on a silver platter – and if I turned it away because my kids needed someone to take them places or felt selfish for not being on call for everyone I would regret it. I would watch from afar via FB and be resentful.

I believe in signs and I believe in self care. I believe this is – one life. I don’t think there is some grand party in the sky that awaits me. This is it. You make whatever it you can. This is me and I fully support the beliefs of others but can’t live my life based on that. So the Universe got together and conspired –

  1. I ranted online for weeks about needing a momma break. Here’s your opportunity.
  2. The band was coming to Huntsville only a couple hours away and figured it would be an easy trip for Jarred and I.
  3. Two days later the band will be in ATL where my concert buddy Heather and I had already decided we wanted to go again.
  4. I’ve never been to Mississippi and needed to visit to mark it off my state list and what’s in Mississippi to come see anyway – outside of a concert.
  5. I’ve been working really hard and making good money so can afford it. I also own an EV so gas wasn’t an issue.

I can’t say this enough to moms. Make you first. Love you the most. Take a risk and be BRAVE. Can I be honest? I’m so nervous about going tonight. I don’t know anyone. I have to wait in line for 1.5 hours with strangers and make friends. I don’t make friends easy and I’m not good at starting conversation with strangers. I’m just not. I’m being brave though and doing it because once that concert starts it will be a spiritual experience for me and the discomfort will be worth it. Practice self-care in however it comes to you. Time alone reflecting, listening to music and getting to know me better is a form of self-care for me. I’m a gogogo person. I have my hands in many pots and juggle many balls. So being on road trips forces me to just be.

I wish for every woman to feel the freedom to connect with the wild woman inside them. Now time to get ready for the concert!!