Lately I’ve been struggling with sharing my story. This rises from my current personal experiences but then for a moment someone or something reminds me the importance of sharing my story to remind others they are far from alone. Actually I’ve been reminded daily lately.
So what have I been doing to find the strength to today write a post today.
I’ve started more holistic therapies lately. I have a new therapist who works with me to confront my PTSD with visualizations and breathing techniques. I use science as well with neurofeedack. I had faith it would work. I had hope in it and it’s working. IT’S WORKING! Combined together I leave West End on Tuesdays and Thursdays with a new outlook on life. And can I say I’ve tried it all – hormones, medication, psychotherapy, prayer, mediation….
I have begun doing neurofeedback. Although an alternative form of treatment that of course insurance doesn’t cover, it is changing my life. It basically helps your brain rewire itself, create new pathways and break old habits. The goal is to put me in a more meditive state permanently. After having signs and reminders placed in front of me for months I said whatever – what do I have to loose. I’ve been so much calmer when it comes to home life. I describe a soft blanket wrapped around me.
The anxiety is still there and honestly a little stronger than before but wars aren’t won in a day. Battles are lost and won. Sometimes its only a matter of give and take. Right now I will talk the calm that is difficult to describe and use medication to ease the anxiety. That’s where my new therapist comes in to give me a place in my mind to go when the anxiety scares me and makes me feel alone.
I am safe. I am. I am not alone. I am. I am safe.
I refuse to ever give up fighting this battle. It is the battle of a lifetime I will say. My goal in life is to be a shiny bright light of peace that my daughters see and live their life by. I have hope after months of darkness that this is attainable. Hope. The last gift left in Pandora’s box. Peace. What we all seek.
If you ever feel feelings of depression, anxiety, anger, loneliness just remember you are not alone. I’m always here if you need an ear or voice to remind you there is hope and a way to live a better life.
