Struggling


Yesterday I struggled. Not emotionally or mentally like many of my friends are doing but creatively which does throw off my mental state. This COVID-19 situation is giving everyone anxiety or depression it seems. I get it and you are not alone. From scrolling through FB it seems anxiety is a trending term. Coronavirus or anxiety – take your pick. It’s a battle myself to stay out of the danger zone but this is a post related to me believing I’m Tom Cruise. Always remember though that you are human and this is not a normal period of life we are living in. Give yourself what you need. When you feel anxiety coming on (which is often a result of fearing the future) be mindful of that moment. Note it and shift gears if possible. Enough of my self -help and back to this post. 

Fear. It gets me still. It gets all of us but what I’ve learned is there is good fear and bad fear. Bad fear stops you. Good fear encourages you. Bad fear creates anxiety that makes you feel trapped. Good fear creates strength that pushes you to climb.

Lately I’ve had a creative block. I’ve been wanting to create something new and fresh for my Feminine Experience project but I’m stuck. I put a deadline on it – creativity can not have deadlines or atleast the way I create can’t and I know that. I sit down in my she-shed, where my creativity flourishes, to work on this project or anything to do with my concept work and I’m stuck. Then I get frustrated and my fear thinks for me – what if it never comes back? You know that creativity I’m known for and is part of the fabric of who I am? Fear. Then I feel anxiety and stress out. I feel uncomfortable in my skin.

I can let it stop me or it can encourage me. This fear I know needs to encourage, push and direct me. So I took a moment to text a friend about it mainly to just vent and she gave me wisdom that will encourage me.

“Remember as artists we create, then experience, then process, then create again.”

-M.Rowley

Light bulb. Take that fear. Screw you fear but thank you for reminding me to look at my other forms of creativity. With her words as a guide I’ve spent some hours this morning looking through all of my past experiences – you know those years of hell I mean growth that I write about. I have journals, sketch pads and random writings that detail that period. I told Jarred that when I die gather it all up and take it to a publishing house to see what they can create from it. Art of a Beautiful Mind. See already have the title. So with that I’m looking forward spending this time on giving color to that grey period in my life. And if that doesn’t happen I’m going to garden – Mother Nature never fails to provide for me.

So what is the lesson that I’m sharing? 

Choose your fear and share it with others. Feel anxious, don’t trap it in. It will grow like a cancer. Feel depressed, reach out to a friend. A true friend may not understand but wants to help you. Many of my fears in life have been overcome by me confiding in another human. We are living in a very strange time but so is everyone else we know. We got this. Also God, Universe or Great Divine is always showing us the way if we just open up to it.

Leave a Reply