After weeks of depression I welcomed Mania today. Now how long Mania stays – who knows. I could wake up depressed again tomorrow but today I’ve got this. I just have to be very mindful of my actions today.
Day 2 of Mania. If you aren’t Bipolar you have no idea what I’m so excited about.
Day 7 of Mania. I hoisted four large wood pallets in my SUV without a grunt. Mania is your body on steroids at times.
Day 10 of Mania. We had date night tonight. It was wonderful. I didn’t have to call it an early night or convince my husband to just hang out in the back yard. I actually had the energy and mental clarity to get dressed and be the wife he remembers.
Day 14 of Mania. It can seem almost like a dream – but a good one. When the creator walks in to your life. Or maybe its the mania that is making the world so colorful today. Maybe the mood stabilizer. Maybe the months of intensive self reflection and psychotherapy. A cocktail for a happy life. A divine series of events to help me see and hear the world speak. I feel AMAZING today.
Six months ago I was an overspending, lonely and lost broken down mother. Life was grey. The days were long. The path was dark. I can say today is a far cry from that.
Will I stay in this happy beautiful world for long – I don’t know. Bipolar has taught me to respect and accept each day. To truly live each day because tomorrow depression may overwhelm me to the point of no return. God is teaching me not to feel shame over the past and not overplan for tomorrow. Being bipolar I could wake up tomorrow and all this beauty I saw today could be hidden by layers of clouds and fog. The blue sky is still there but I will just have to work much harder to see it,
Day 21 of Mania – Still going.
Day 1 of Depression – Mania has been replaced by aching joints and no energy to do anything at all. Right now I could care less about my business failing, clients needs, my own needs….the world is grey and I have to try really hard to remember God is with me. It’s hard to accept that no matter how far I fall now that God will catch me.
