“I don’t paint anymore. I used to paint all the time. I really loved it.”
– Allie ~ The Notebook
I survived COVID life adjustment. I survived my busy season. I survived 2020. I went in strong and am going to leave strong although the past few months have made me pretty weak. This weekend I realized I don’t write, create art, woodwork or stand tall on my spiritual path anymore.
As I sit here listening to Christmas music, updating my business accounting and watching the snow and sleet fall with the Christmas tree twinkling out of the corner of my eye I finally have a moment to stop and write. Writing is something to fills me. It does not escape me that I’m not a writer and may never having anything published but I do it for me. To fill me and heal me. Today I want to share the covenant I am making with myself to reconnect to everything that brings me joy and makes me the best person I can be.
I recently had to deal with some “drama” while deep in busy season. It really was ridiculous but I’ve learned some people will never be happy, never give, never accept that the world doesn’t turn around them and that it is only their way or the highway. I feel sad for them. I was them at one point. Instead I let their negative view weigh too heavy on me. I let it create anger and darkness inside so instead of traditional ways to deal I went for a visit to receive Reiki, an ancient form of hands on healing. I walked away with a very important piece of knowledge – speak your truth regardless of what one feels (I wasn’t, I was holding back) and I’ve been given a restart. As she explained when she got to my heart it felt as if my body reset and light rushed into me. I felt it. I lost my breath and my heart raced. It was the Universe giving me a wake up call.
See after I found deep peace that I had been searching for I stopped practicing the things that got me there. I stopped meditating. I stopped spending 40 minutes a day on the elliptical reading my spiritual texts or listening to Dave Matthews. I stopped spending time in the she shed. I stopped doing yoga. However I didn’t really embrace that new infusion of light. That night I went back to the same old diving into work, having an evening cocktail or two and not even taking a moment to meditate or exercise.
This weekend I finally decided to make a covenant with myself. Me making a promise to me. With the arrival of the month that celebrates the birth of Jesus, a man who brought one of the greatest infusions of light to mankind. Today I started out with my time in the gym rereading for the third time Marianne Williamson’s A Woman’s Worth and picking up some items at Home Depot for a wood project. I haven’t done one of those in over a year. I caught up on some work and am making time to work. The laundry from last weeks trip can wait. At 2pm I will head to the she-shed where I will restart my mediation journey and focus on my writing and goals for next year. This is my promise to myself to reconnect with my light. To not waste that special gift of light I received two weeks ago.
It’s so important to make promises to ourselves. We make promises to everyone else but never ourselves. Promising ourself to do the things we love or the things we need to be our best self is loving ourself. We get so caught up in spreading love to everyone and everything else (or atleast trying) that we forget to love ourself. Love is light. Find your light. Promise yourself you will find your light. What makes you happy? It’s often the little things. With us entering a time a year where spreading of love is abundant don’t forget to love and celebrate you – a giver of light and love.
On a side note the “drama” was a wake up to end some relationships that no longer served my life’s purpose or journey to enlightenment. Man that feels good.