“And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”
I started Dancing in a Hurricane almost three years ago after being diagnosed and then accepting the fact that I have a pretty crappy mental illness – Bipolar 2. There was some denial at first and I had to grieve the loss of the Amanda I once knew. At first I was so ashamed – ASHAMED. My daughter was starting kindergarten. This was a big moment in our families lives and here I was trying to hide who I was. I was intimidated by all the new faces and experiences. I felt like a scared little girl. I couldn’t make eye contact so I stayed in corners at functions I had to attend. Me. Once a social butterfly now wrapped in a web unable to spread my wings. I felt I had to hide what I thought was a monster living behind these eyes. A monster. I thought of myself as a monster and who in the world would want to be friends with or get to know a monster. Right? Wrong.
I quickly learned that sharing this blog helped others. This blog was my way of fighting my monster at the time. I would receive emails from other women asking for advice or more about my story. Some just confided that they were glad to know they weren’t alone. In those moments I knew I wasn’t alone. I didn’t have to fight my monster alone and then I began to realize. It wasn’t just the darkness that I was purging from myself in this blog but light. I was giving hope and comfort to others. I was unknowingly shining my light into the world. To appreciate the light you must know the darkness. My light was giving others the chance to fight their own demons because once you realize you are not alone the battle becomes a little bit easier. No one wins a battle alone and to win the war you must win a few battles.
So here I am approaching 2018. I’m not a resolution setter but this year I’ve decided to have a goal – Live a more fuller life by doing the things I love. With that I want to write again – freely. Writing has always been a part of me and when I’m writing I’m happier. When I’m helping others I’m even happier and happiness is what I seek the most.
