I leave for my third solo trip in a year in two days. Two words to describe me right now:
Nervous and Guilty
So nervous makes sense right? Long flights, first trip to Europe, booked a room with a roommate I’ve only seen on FB in order to save money which now I’m questioning because as we all know I like my alone and quiet time and just flying in general. I always get a bit nervous a few days before flying. Thank goodness for all my breathing exercises, affirmations and let’s be honest – Ativan aka “baby valium”.
Now onto the guilty part. Here she goes on a mom rant/chant about mom-guilt. I’m making this one short because if I could add a third word it would be frazzled because I have checklists to complete, instructions to write, bills to pay, packing to do, edit photos, clothes to wash….
I feel extremely guilty for traveling because I’m leaving the girls behind. I often want to take them to all these places but we were never a traveling family so it’s hard. I do hope to take them on a California road trip over vacation so atleast that lifts the guilt a bit. However the big guilt is just leaving them and all that comes with being a mom to two healthy little girls. I will be missing their fall break and Julia’s first volleyball practice. I feel guilty that I booked this trip over their break. I should have checked the calendar right? I won’t be there to settle Julia’s nerves before her first practice with older girls she does not know. I won’t be here to find everything when it is lost. To be honest they don’t even wear matching socks when they have them to match – youth of today.
Us moms deserve time to be women – not mom, not wife, not chauffeur, not child therapist, not Instagram photographer, not family documentarian, not event planner and created of fun, not builder of dreams and wiper of tear – just women being our wild goddess self. We deserve the opportunities to follow our whims and dreams. We deserve to have a few moments, minutes, days, weeks to explore us and reconnect with our own selves.
Women are built to be the keepers of the hearth and home. Many of us have this innate sense and responsibility to keep watch over our babies. It’s evolutionary and that’s a tough one to beat. From the moment they were conceived we knew they were dependent on us for their every need. If we are not giving them what they need then we are neglecting and that is harmful right? Hold up.
Guilt comes from us believing we are causing or have caused harm to our children (mom-guilt truly defined) and also that we are the center of the universe and it will fall apart without us. I know I am not causing harm to my children. I also know deep down that my kids and family’s life will not fall apart without me. If anything I’m showing them how to be more independent and showing them that women are stronger than we are given credit for when it comes to venturing out into the world. They are seeing a mom realizing dreams and making time for herself. I am hopefully setting them up to be strong independent women that don’t sacrifice their hopes and dreams when they start a family. I’m showing them self-care is huge. Another bonus – they get full one on one time with the “fun” parent and lot’s of sushi.
Three minutes left to write so let’s sum this up.
Hey Momma – give yourself time this week for just you. Practice some self-care and leave the guilt behind if just for a few hours. Hire a babysitter and on a date, go out with a girlfriend, put the kids to bed earlier, have a cereal night so you don’t have to cook or spend money or take out. Then take that money and sanity saved and book you an appointment for a manicure where they really rub you down and then rub your head or book another babysitter. Book a few days away with your fave gal-pal or solo if that interests you. Pursue that whim and who cares what others think. Oh I know people judge me for my galavanting. Grab that book, run you a bath, light some candles, lock the door and give the kids extra tech time. Don’t judge yourself – you’re taking care of you. Screw the guilt mommas. You work hard – really hard. Show your girls self-care and show your boys that one day when their wife says “momma needs a break” they encourage and allow her to take as long of a break as she needs.
I hope to blog this entire journey this time via requests from other women and I hope you can follow along! See ya in Portugal.