12 Days to Go!

This journey is coming soon! 12 days to go! It’s hard to believe it’s so close. I feel like I have so much left to do but actually I don’t. I feel in that limbo stage. I should be doing something but I’m not. I guess this is the time to get everything around here in order before I leave. I do have a todo list that is somehow growing and not getting shorter although I have been working on finishing it for two days. Hmmm.

I won’t lie though. I get sick thinking about the trip at times. Yesterday I was thinking about the length of time I will be gone and my stomach dropped as if I were on a rollercoaster. My palms got sweaty and I could feel my face flush. The guilt and anxiety popped up. The girls will be okay I tell myself and they will. Their dad is completely competent to take care of them for 8 days. He’s got this. Then I worry about the hurricane in the house that I may come home to. Dear Lord please bless this house with a cleaning fairy while I’m gone. I do have the real fear of my introverted self taking over and I stay in my room. Today I was driving back and forth between Nashville four times. I  did stress a bit thinking that I will be 1300 miles in 8 days – what if I don’t make it to my destinations in time or what if I am too tired from driving? What if? Jarred always says “Let’s not play the what-if game”. I guess he has a good point there. It will only make you crazy.

Then I get excited again because I start living in the now.  I’ll see a image on Instagram that makes me swoon and I have to immediately research it. I work on my itinerary or preparations for the house to still be standing when I return after 8 days. Can you see I’m worried about this house while I’m gone? The kids will be okay but the house?

I think about all of the opportunities I will have to discover new things about myself and ways I will push myself to become stronger mentally, physically and emotionally. This is the goal. I’ve been reading books preparing me to physically adventure while also doing work on my inner self. I research podcasts and create playlists. I check my female solo traveler boards for strength and encouragement. Just in doing all of this planning I have learned so much about myself and also strengths I still have that have just been laying dormant for awhile. I forgot how great of a planner I am. My Type A is still hiding in there. Yes I’m a recovering Type A. That reminds me. I need to do that Enneagram test which is apparently the in vogue thing to do right now. Let’s add that to the list of things to discover about myself and that growing to do list of mine.

I still can’t believe I’m doing this.

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