This was written in November of 2017 – 8 months ago. I’m in a much better place now and honestly when I read this I thought to myself – I didn’t write these words. I did and I’m damn proud of myself that I found my way out of this.
To free myself I must free my words.
I know I am one of the strongest women I know
Yet lost in my own head
Tangled in the web of voices-
I’m a marionette being forced to dance.
To pull one string pulls another
To untangle one means to tangle another
To find comfort means to lose clarity
Wondering if they will ever straighten
Allowing me to stand tall.
Thoughts of cutting the strings
Cross my mind in desperation
My strength twists into weakness.
I’m at the mercy of my mind
The voices that never stop
Finding respit in tiny moments
Quietness alludes me
The wolves hunt me down
I awake to them at my bedside
Strings in their mouth ready to pull.