“Relax, close your eyes, and pray for comfort.
Give to Divine Mind your despair, your sadness, your hopelessness, your regret, your embarrassment, your pain, your grief, your fear, and your burdens. Do not rush through this darkness. Allow yourself to enter into it in order to move through it. And in time the light will come.”
I’ve been trying to return to pre-2015 – when I lived in a chaotic unhappy life trying to put my kids in every activity and filling my days with pointless activities just to pass my time and avoid the pain.
Then today I woke up thinking about all we missed yesterday. I’ve overbooked my life and my girl’s lives. I haven’t felt overwhelmed until yesterday when I realized I haven’t fully healed and I have a lot of it today. I haven’t fully found my bearings and yesterday I am pretty sure my day was the equivalent of falling from a cliff. I’ve been tipping and yesterday the rock gave out. I couldn’t make it to my sewing class because all of the plans I had made for the day were just too much. Claire didn’t make it to soccer or theater yesterday and she missed ballet on Tuesday. Julia missed gymnastics. My to do list was never finished. As a modern mother I failed. I was not ready to stand alone but instead of tumbling on every jagged rock something was different.
About 9 months ago I was listening to a sermon by Jon Scott, the music minister at our church. I had just begun Unity and was in the middle of my own personal hell. I knew I didn’t want to go back to the life filled with rage and anger and ridiculous expectations and knew that something was deeper within that I needed to discover. He spoke about just living in the moment and being okay with not rushing through your journey of healing. I understood that standing in this storm was not weakness and to just be. His words encouraged me to lean on God and even let him carry me at times. I realized that this is my time to find my strength, my purpose, my self….When it storms we retreat to inside. So I did that very thing. I retreated and let myself heal. Now I have faith. I have God in me and God is working through me. God speaks to me and I listen. This morning’s reflection was the above reflection. See – he does speak to me and you and everyone who opens their ears.
My prayer in response to my reflection:
Thank you divine universe for sending this gift of wisdom to me today. I will continue to honor the healing process of my mind and body and accept the days of darkness and embrace the days of light. My mind is filled with purpose and I have found clarity. However without being fully healed and ready to do the work that I have realized is mine to do I must be ready mentally. I will continue to let the healing process continue and in time I will shine brightly with the light of God that continues to grow within.